Day 1, Take 2

Hi. I’m Sober Birdie. I’ve been a sober bird for 22 hours.

In about two hours my blood alcohol content will be 0. In 2 days and 2 hours my brain cells will start to regenerate themselves. In 13 days and 2 hours my skin, sleep, and digestive system will start improving.

I’ll have to wait 2 months 29 days and 2 hours for the much anticipated greatly improved mental clarity.

TBH, the mental clarity is just about the only thing I care about right now.

A couple years ago a fog settled in around my brain and I haven’t been able to see through it well enough to do much of anything. I can see values and goals and to-do lists, (out in the distance on top of mountain ranges) because they’re in big, bold letters (Cooper Black, 72 pt).

I just can’t see the road to get to there. The fog is too thick. Sometimes it clears just enough to start something, but those moments are becoming increasingly rare.

The Drunken Little Birdie who lives in my head tells me I’m getting old and brain fog is a sign of perimenopause. She vehemently denies brain fog has anything to do with my daily wine habit.

Having just strung together three days without alcohol, I’m beginning to suspect my Drunken Little Birdie was lying.

I think she lies most of the time. Like the other day when she told me I could safely go to the liquor store and come out of there with only non-alcoholic beer. My hangover the next day was proof of her lie. She denied any involvement, as usual.

Since I can’t seem to do anything else these days besides obsess over the wine I’m not drinking and come up with strategies to avoid it, I figured I’d write my way through.

I’m here for Dry January.

But if I want to get to the good stuff, I know I have to hang in there longer than 30 days. The Drunken Little Birdie positively shrieks (like, you can probably hear her all the way over where you are) when I contemplate forever sobriety, so one month, one day, one hour at a time.

Whatever it takes.